I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
