the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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