i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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