And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
