The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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