woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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