So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You smell like stripper and shame
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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