You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
