I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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