Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
