cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
