Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
