wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
