You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize