oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize