my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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