it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
