you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
