Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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