I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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