soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
