The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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