Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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