He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize