You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
