exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
