she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
