If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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