so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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