Small penises have feelings too.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
