I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
