LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
