oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
