Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
