i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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