Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
