It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
