i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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