At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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