the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
