wrigley field is MILF paradise
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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