I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
