I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
