we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
