when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My feet surprised me
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