Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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