Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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