I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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