I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i think i just lost a toe
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
