how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
