If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My dick has a subreddit
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize