he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize