there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize