my phone needs a breathalizer
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am one with the molecules
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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