My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
