then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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