Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize