which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
