I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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