I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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