i love accidental penises.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
