Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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