No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
