CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
