Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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