That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
