No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
