Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
