He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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