i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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