Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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