Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
