Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize