I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
