Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize