grandma shit on top of the toilet
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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