I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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