I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
