She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
