textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
