we're blogging at a bar
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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