The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
