fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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