you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
