I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
are you so shy because you have an std?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
