It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
