Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize