Fuck appropriateness.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
