just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
