I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm both gender and math confused
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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