If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
