just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
