Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
