So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
