i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
