We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
