porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
