if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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