Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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