you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
