god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
