my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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