Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
